I woke-up this morning with that awful, clammy feeling that comes after a bad dream. It’s strange that a person can simultaneously sweat while feeling cold; it just isn’t right at all. I also woke-up on my back, which is another sure indicator my night has took a turn for the worse. Whenever I wake-up on my back I feel exposed to too much of the world in one hit. Instead of opening my eyes and half my vision being obscured by a pillow or some linen so I’m allowed to re-enter life piecemeal, I’m slapped immediately with a big dose of sunshine and reality. I’m glad in a way babies aren’t delivered by stork so they’re spared the same sensation.
Any way, my dream was that I had met one of my younger sister’s friends, although she doesn’t exist. She was attractive with tanned skin and short-ish blonde hair, pleasant and a nice smile. Don’t get the wrong impression though, it wasn’t that type of dream, I was just talking to her out of politeness. I generally prefer to keep to my own business but make an effort for the sake of people I care about, so I have no problem speaking with anybody so that they have a nice time and so my friends/relations are happy to introduce me to people as well. So it went here. We were having a polite conversation, but out of nowhere she made an aside comment to somebody else in the room that made it clear she simply didn’t want to talk to me any more. I can’t remember her reasons, but whatever they were, they really set me off in my dream.
Usually people can say anything they like to me and I’m near impervious to taking personal offence. I think it’s because I approach other people in a very forgiving and empathic way. I could be strapped to a chair as Scientologists put me through one of their initiation grillings, hurling abuse at me, but in my head my thoughts would be this person is just saying these things because they’ve been conditioned that way, and this genuinely works to completely placate me. For this reason, when someone says something disagreeable to me my first reaction is to say “what’s wrong (with you, to make you act this way)?” rather than “what’s wrong (with me, to make someone say something like this to me)?”. This may be slightly arrogant of me, to assume the problem isn’t with me but with the other person, but I’m also lucky as it means my self-confidence is rarely effected by other people.
As if to underline this, when I woke up I composed myself when I remembered how good looking I was. I felt my legs aching from the run I had took the day before (funnily enough, with the same sister whose fictitious friend had shunned me in the dream), remembered I had muscular legs, then felt better. Funny, eh?